I sometimes wonder about things and then think about better ways to think about them. Today, I am thinking about resentment. Why is it that when I don’t speak about my feelings (usually negative) regarding something or someone for a while, I become resentful? And why does that cloud of resentment obscure my judgment of them, or it, as the case may be? I wonder what better way to think about resentment. Not long after, I find one. I question the evolutionary advantage of this emotion. What happened to mankind during our evolution to the dominant species that led to the development of this emotion? Well, as a typical ponderer would, I Google this question. I find a research article titled "Functional Unpleasantness: The Evolutionary Logic of Righteous Resentment". It says this:
Evolutionary theory suggests resentment serves a purpose. When we feel someone has been unfair, resentment motivates us to take action. This could involve trying to reason with the person, seeking help from others, or even avoiding them altogether. These actions promote cooperation and fairness within a group, which can benefit everyone in the long run.
Well, I say all this to say that I disagree with this article. Not entirely, as there is room in my heart to be convinced otherwise, but mostly. There are no advantages to resentment.
Resentment is a vile emotion because it is entirely preventable. When you feel someone has been unfair, the right answer is, indeed, to address it with them at that moment or as soon after as possible. Ensure your mind is rid of any negative feelings toward them afterwards. Wipe the slate clean and move on without creating predetermined biases to judge that person.
As I write this, I wonder about biases and their evolutionary advantage, if any. So again, as a certified thought daughter, I Google. I find another article, this one aptly titled: "On evolutionary explanations of cognitive biases". Due to my short attention span and the fact that I am in the middle of writing this, I (very conveniently, I might add) ask Google’s AI, Gemini, to explain this to me as if I’m 10. After a series of prompts—AI no dey hear word, honestly—I can share this with you:
Evolutionary psychology suggests that some cognitive biases, like our tendency to jump to conclusions (bias) based on limited information, were once helpful shortcuts. These mental shortcuts allowed our ancestors to make quick decisions in an uncertain environment, which could mean the difference between survival and danger. For instance, if you heard a rustling in the bushes, assuming it was a predator (bias) would make you run away quickly, even if it was just a harmless animal. These shortcuts were beneficial in the past but can lead to errors in our complex world today.
Well, well, well. My ancestors must have been QUITE the emotional hoarders. I can only speak for myself, and I have this to say. I have been confrontational for a long time. I tend to address sh*t, pardon my French, even before they hit the proverbial fan. I have always been that way. I am open and vulnerable with my emotions, or at least I was, to the point where I felt they could be used to slight or spite me. Sometimes, you expect certain responses when you speak to people about things. You expect to be comforted in a certain way, with particular words. You expect to be heard, appreciated, and maybe, highly unlikely, but maybe even accepted. But people are not you, and no matter how much you try to mould them into the ideal persona in your head, they will never be that. So they will say the wrong things. They will be unkind in their “advice,” offer no advice at certain times, be selfish, or be unsupportive when all you need is support—they will be... people. Fallible human beings, very unlike the perfect versions of themselves you created in your head. Confrontational or not, how do you tell someone who thinks they are helping you that their “advice” is mean-spirited? How do you tell them this is not what they were supposed to say? Read your lines! How do you express that they’re being inconsiderate by making your pain about them without sounding like a terrible person for making your pain solely about you? How, how, how?
And when you don’t say anything, when you live with these imperfections, how do you maintain a healthy relationship? How do you stay friends? How do you speak up to anyone when you’re hurt or emotional? How do you move past the expectation that people will say and do the wrong things? How do you not just let things go and apologize even when it’s unnecessary, to keep the peace—not only between the two of you but within yourself? How?
Idk how. Nice write up btw. But help me pronounce your last name